20th November 2021


by Vivienne Tobassa



Conscious Flow Magazine


To many, finding solace is to receive comfort or consolation for a time of sadness or distress.  But if we reflect on the idea of solace deeply, we probably recognise it as a desire to create a ‘space’ or calm—a suspension of stress we are affected by.  An internal desire to feel at peace, beyond conflicting thoughts and emotions.  Whether the emotion is sorrow, anger, frustration, anxiety or any other sensory experience that makes us feel uncomfortable in our skin.  Let’s consider some direct major effects from enduring stressful conditions.


Eight Key Signs You Are Under Too Much Stress


  1. Feeling under pressure that is almost overwhelming

  2. Worrying about something and thoughts that take over your life

  3. Facing big changes and anxious about consequences

  4. Feeling your whole life or a situation is beyond your control

  5. Feeling excessive resistance or resentment towards a person or situation

  6. Feeling loss, trauma, and lack in your life

  7. Uncertain and confused about your life

  8. Feeling weak, vulnerable, incapable, and powerless


Stress put simply is a ‘body, mind, and emotion’ experience of being out of balance with your ‘higher spirit’ or ‘super conscious’ knowing that you are whole, connected and safe in your world.  In essence, your deeper intuition knows you are living out of balance in some way.  Grief and anger arise because someone or something that you relied on has been removed from your life—without your control.  Fearful and anxious feelings arise because your internal intuitive self is aware that if the feeling of imbalance continues, it may result in your pain and suffering. 


The Intuitive ‘Internal Self’

So, who/what is this internal, intuitive self?  It is what therapists often call your ‘inner child’.  Your inner child is the pure, open, receptive seed of your spirit that was implanted in your current ‘body temple’—the human life you came into through birth.  In other words, it is not ALL of your higher spirit or superconscious, but a small part that is brought down within your human life as a sense of (partial) separation.  It is where you build your sense of ‘identity’.  This seed, we know, is cultivated and conditioned by experiences you have within your family, friends, social and living environment. 



Your inner self resides within your 'subconscious' and communicates to you via feelings, intuitive insights and dream symbols


The Inner Child

Therapists often call this sense of identity or sub-personality ‘the inner child’.  From conception, your inner self begins to ‘learn’ from experiences that are transferred as physical impacts, emotional feeling and intellectual reasonings that shape your ‘belief systems’.  With most of your super learning conducted in the first eight–ten years of your life, your belief systems are fairly well programmed, and your brain then begins a neurological process of ‘pruning’ what you do not use, or actively access as you grow into adulthood.  The inner child represents the traumas and early beliefs you formed in this period.  At those critical points of decision making, an aspect of your personality ‘remains’ in the state of being it was when you formed that belief.  The concept of time is only measured within a human life span, you may ‘regress’ back into that early sense of reality as an adult.  And that small, internal part of you, incites your decisions or feelings about your current stress.  You subconsciously remember the results from that formative belief period where you experienced suffering and pain from an event that upset life stability and balance.  As a child you were powerless, vulnerable, weak and less capable of controlling your own life without the social authority and support network you depended on to survive.


Human Dependency and Desire to Belong

The super learning brain of a child finds out early, that survival comes less painfully when adjusting behaviours to those approved of in our circle—those we feel dependent upon.  The ‘rewards’ of sought-after nurturing, praise, attention and less upset to our life stability and security, drives the childhood desire to belong.  When the child is deprived of any of these factors, the desire is even stronger.  By adulthood our social networks and interaction reflects our formed belief systems.  We seek these with the desire to control our life comfort and happiness.  Our relationships will often fulfill the gaps of our early desire to belong, or to correct early imbalances we learned.  The problem is that we are seeking for inner balance in the outside world, where we still have no control.  The entire process is ‘stressful’ because we must give some of our personal sense of power to others to receive the life harmony rewards, we believe will result.  The reality is that everything in our outside world must change—and so must we readjust our living.  But we can make the change process less stressful if we recognise and heal the limiting beliefs that we first formed.


Limiting Beliefs and the Power to Heal

Limiting beliefs are decisions we made about ourselves, others and the way life is during those formative years of our childhood.  They became hardwired in our mental program and formed doxa—perception of reality.  Our perceptions filter the way we engage in life, form relationships and interact with others.  In childhood, the beliefs we formed may have been valid and supported us at the time.  But as adults, the opinions we formed, the fears and anxieties we hold may be distorted and not at all relevant as we are no longer in dependency for survival—or at least don’t need to be.  As humans we try very hard to make our life our ideal experience.  But our early learning hasn’t always been the best to help us achieve this in some way.  As adults we can change our limiting beliefs with focus, commitment and strategies.  It is ideal if we also build an understanding and connection to our ‘higher self’ or super consciousness to address our greatest ideals—and fulfilment we might achieve if we were not constricted by distorted perceptions.  Our super consciousness holds a greater mystery to the essence of our being.  But we must rise beyond the limits of our egos to imagine and create a better sense of self-existence.


Finding solace, inside and out

By connecting with our higher self, we return to feeling and engaging our sense of authenticity and ‘being’ as a spirit that lives with human experience.  We may find solace—a calm place—even as the eye of a storm around us.  It is vital to accept that the key to balance is inner flexibility, rather than rigidly controlling a world beyond our control.   We learn to merge with the flow of life and not to feel that outside pressures or internal issues are creating a life of hopeless suffering.  In the flow we witness the events and experiences we have, but we do not become the drama of those impacts.  Instead, we see they are transitional effects that will pass.  If we hold on emotionally to our pain, the trauma and the drama that was created will remain with us into our future.   But we may also see stress may be bringing us a gift.  Our intuitive self is telling us that something in our life is out of balance.  This gives us the opportunity to be flexible, adapt with the change.  Some stress is natural and healthy for humans.  By healing our past, and learning mastery over inner harmony, we empower ourselves to develop healthier insights.  We may then seek places of solace in our world, where we simply feel the strength of our being and oneness with all as life. 


Conscious Flow Contributing Columnist:  Vivienne Tobassa. https://tobassa.com

Vivienne Tobassa is an Anthropologist, qualified therapist, Creative and Change, Culture Capability specialist, and expert advisor to UN on entrepreneurship, creative economies, management, and transformation.  Vivienne is also a spiritual healing emissary, speaker author, and human rights lawyer.  With five Master’s degrees, her current research expertise is ancient cultures, symbolic communications, and surviving Indigenous shamanic expressions of celestial and waters of life ‘goddess’ cosmologies.

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